BATTLE STATIONS!!!

We are at war!

As we speak, hundreds of invaders are attempting to breach the walls of Ft. Anderson!

Our recon team, placing themselves in enemy territory at great risk to their personal safety, gathered these Intel photos of the army amassing for an invasion.

In this picture you can see the aggressors breaching the perimeter.


Once inside, some of their numbers, believed to be spies, congregate around windows, as is shown in this photo.


Our best theory at this time is that they are sending information outside to those still attempting to breach the walls. The nature of this Intel, whether it is information on how to get in, or other data needed for further training towards their unknown objectives, is still unknown. Thus far, our E.I.T. (Enhanced Interrogation Techniques), including water-boarding (shown below)...


...and more 'primitive' methods, which have been deemed too graphic to be shown on a civilian site, have revealed nothing. They appear well trained, and are able to withstand even the harshest of interrogation tactics.

While some are captured for interrogation, most are killed on the battlefield. They possess a fanatical devotion to their cause, whatever that may be, and have yet to respond to numerous demands to surrender. Here, a soldier, who will remain unnamed for his own safety and will hereby be known as "Soldier One", is shown with the most effective weapon discovered to date. He carries a state of the art gun, production code DC-25, which causes the enemy to quite simply vanish. Troops have affectionately named this highly effective weapon the Dyson Animal, for it's ruthless, and animal like barbarism on the battlefield. The only weakness discovered with this weapon is it's inability to eradicate masses of enemy soldiers, as only one enemy can be engaged at a time.


The following photos show a typical 'attack team' as they engage the enemy.



You will note that "Soldier One" (The more handsome of the two) utilizes the Dyson Animal, while "Soldier Two" throws a 'Raid Grenade'. However, due to the extreme nature of the Raid Grenade, it is only utilized in the most dire of circumstances where enemy forces threaten to overrun the defenses.

To demonstrate the devastating nature, and extreme lethality, of the Raid Grenade, the military has provided us with this previously classified photo. This photo was taken after the use of a 'Raid Grenade' in what proved to be the single bloodiest battle of the war to date.


Thankfully, while enemy casualties reach into the untold hundreds, casualties on our side have been practically nonexistent. One soldier nearly perished after swallowing an enemy kamikaze attacker that had planted itself in his water cup. The soldier was rushed to our Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, the staff of which is pictured below, where he made a full recovery.


We ask that everyone pray for our troops, who are constantly in the line of fire.

Comments

Sarah Schenkel said…
Love it. Well, not the invaders, but love the reporting. Please keep us updated.
asdf said…
Steph does the strangest posts....

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