The Greatest Blog EVER!!
OK. So it has been a while since we posted. Well, I finally found something post-worthy.
http://gotmanswers.blogspot.com/
This is the greatest blog ever made. If you are a man, you will read this blog. Not only is he manly and all about all things testosterone, but he's right with God too. Here is something to give you a sense of what this is all about...
About dog breeds: Are French bulldogs manly? On one hand they are "bulldogs", which sounds pretty manly, but on the other hand, they are small and "French".
Marcelo, via comments
Marcelo,
You nailed one thing, dogs are the manliest pets that exist. Some may argue other possibilities, like lizards or snakes. While these reptiles are not necessarily feminine, they are weird. People don’t see a pet snake and think manly, they think Satan. Other men really like cats, but I say any man who is more fond of kittens probably has a barren region where his private parts should be. So, we’ve established you don’t get any manlier than a dog, which is why they are a MAN’s best friend. Unfortunately, this isn’t so black and white. Just like having the Y chromosome only makes you a man, but not necessarily manly, the same concept applies to dogs. Just because it is a dog it’s not automatically manly. Lets establish a few rules that will help in deciphering whether your dog in question is acceptable.
Because you asked specifically we’ll start with the France Rule. Obviously, nothing from France is manly. Maybe an exception might be made for the French Foreign Legion, but even that is made of foreign non-Frenchies. What about French Fries, French Toast, French Kissing? None of those things really came from France...France just kind of stole them in an attempt to not be so pansified. It is such a shame too, France’s name is derived from the word "Francia" which literally translates to the land of Franks. A country of wussitude, yet named for such a wonderful all-beef manly treat that plumps when it cooks.
Next, there is a rule dealing with the size of the dog, or the Paris Hilton Purse rule. Pretty much if your dog will fit in a purse, you are not a man. These mini-dogs are for women and metros and no man has any business owing one. Why would you own such a dog? They serve no function except to be a fashion accessory that poops. Who wants poop in their purse? Of course if you are a man with a purse, a small non-dog of shame is the least of your problems.
Another very important feature is your dog’s bark. This rule almost goes hand in hand with the previous PHP rule. If the dog will fit in the purse, chances are it will fail this test. You have to ask yourself, “Do I have a barker or a yipper?" A dog’s bark is equivalent to a man’s handshake, meaning a yipper equates to the limp wristed dead fish shake you get from a male interior designer. You want a dog whose bark could be mistaken with the striking hammer of Thor, or possibly some sort of experimental weapons test. If the dog's bark wouldn't have made you pee your pants when you were little and not yet capable of subduing feral beasts, then it's not worth owning.
Finally there is the No Clothes rule. Here I have in mind the cruel things that people do to otherwise normal dogs like putting sweaters on them or bows in their hair. If you have ever seen any kind of female accessory put on or applied to the dog in question, it’s a definite no go. In fact, if the dog in question will let you humiliate him in this way without biting your face off, then forget it. The only acceptable clothing for your dog is a spike collar, or maybe a coat made out of the furry tails of the cats he has destroyed.
Please note that these rule apply to all dogs across the board. There is one and only one exception to any of the previously mention mandates. If the dog in question appears in the famous "Dogs Playing Poker" painting it is ok.
I hate to break it to you Marcelo, but the otherwise-manly Bulldog falls short of rule number one. I am hoping you don’t own one yourself, and were just asking so you would know if dudefrontation of your French bulldog-owning friend is permissible. It probably is.
Dr. Awesome.
So go subscribe to the site now. And laugh away. You'll thank me later.
Kevin
http://gotmanswers.blogspot.com/
This is the greatest blog ever made. If you are a man, you will read this blog. Not only is he manly and all about all things testosterone, but he's right with God too. Here is something to give you a sense of what this is all about...
French Bulldogs
Thursday, July 10, 2008 by Dr Awesome
Marcelo, via comments
Marcelo,
You nailed one thing, dogs are the manliest pets that exist. Some may argue other possibilities, like lizards or snakes. While these reptiles are not necessarily feminine, they are weird. People don’t see a pet snake and think manly, they think Satan. Other men really like cats, but I say any man who is more fond of kittens probably has a barren region where his private parts should be. So, we’ve established you don’t get any manlier than a dog, which is why they are a MAN’s best friend. Unfortunately, this isn’t so black and white. Just like having the Y chromosome only makes you a man, but not necessarily manly, the same concept applies to dogs. Just because it is a dog it’s not automatically manly. Lets establish a few rules that will help in deciphering whether your dog in question is acceptable.
Because you asked specifically we’ll start with the France Rule. Obviously, nothing from France is manly. Maybe an exception might be made for the French Foreign Legion, but even that is made of foreign non-Frenchies. What about French Fries, French Toast, French Kissing? None of those things really came from France...France just kind of stole them in an attempt to not be so pansified. It is such a shame too, France’s name is derived from the word "Francia" which literally translates to the land of Franks. A country of wussitude, yet named for such a wonderful all-beef manly treat that plumps when it cooks.
Next, there is a rule dealing with the size of the dog, or the Paris Hilton Purse rule. Pretty much if your dog will fit in a purse, you are not a man. These mini-dogs are for women and metros and no man has any business owing one. Why would you own such a dog? They serve no function except to be a fashion accessory that poops. Who wants poop in their purse? Of course if you are a man with a purse, a small non-dog of shame is the least of your problems.
Another very important feature is your dog’s bark. This rule almost goes hand in hand with the previous PHP rule. If the dog will fit in the purse, chances are it will fail this test. You have to ask yourself, “Do I have a barker or a yipper?" A dog’s bark is equivalent to a man’s handshake, meaning a yipper equates to the limp wristed dead fish shake you get from a male interior designer. You want a dog whose bark could be mistaken with the striking hammer of Thor, or possibly some sort of experimental weapons test. If the dog's bark wouldn't have made you pee your pants when you were little and not yet capable of subduing feral beasts, then it's not worth owning.
Finally there is the No Clothes rule. Here I have in mind the cruel things that people do to otherwise normal dogs like putting sweaters on them or bows in their hair. If you have ever seen any kind of female accessory put on or applied to the dog in question, it’s a definite no go. In fact, if the dog in question will let you humiliate him in this way without biting your face off, then forget it. The only acceptable clothing for your dog is a spike collar, or maybe a coat made out of the furry tails of the cats he has destroyed.
Please note that these rule apply to all dogs across the board. There is one and only one exception to any of the previously mention mandates. If the dog in question appears in the famous "Dogs Playing Poker" painting it is ok.
I hate to break it to you Marcelo, but the otherwise-manly Bulldog falls short of rule number one. I am hoping you don’t own one yourself, and were just asking so you would know if dudefrontation of your French bulldog-owning friend is permissible. It probably is.
Dr. Awesome.
So go subscribe to the site now. And laugh away. You'll thank me later.
Kevin
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